Morning can suck my ass.

I hate mornings. I really really hate mornings. It never fails that no matter how much sleep I get the night before or how much I make it a part of my routine, Waking up at 7:30 always leaves me haggard and drained the rest of the day, whereas sleeping in til 11:00 or noon I feel great after about 20-30 minutes of hating the world. However, if I wake up before that I spend not just a half an hour hating my life and everyone else’s, but more like the first 4-5 hours of my day.

Garfield had it right about the morning thing. If there’s one thing I fucking hate it’s the constant heavy-eyed feeling that won’t go away, so you continue to drink and drink and drink your chosen source of caffeine and then, without any warning at all, it disappears leaving you with the biggest jolt of jittery caffeine high known to mankind. I’m not there yet, and I wish I was. I’d want to commit suicide a little less

The only thing I hate more than mornings themselves are morning people. The sort of person that pops out of bed like a ray of fucking sunshine and runs through their routine with the vitesse of a prozac popping speed junky and bobs off to work to annoy the rest of civilization desperately trying not to tell everyone around them to go eat a dick. These people make the worst case of cheap mexican restaurant diarrhea seem like a hawaiian dream cruise. There’s nothing that makes me a sadder panda than sitting on the porcelain throne screaming for god to kill me now as I shit out my very soul.

What a bitch. I found her basking in the artificial sunlight of some stock photography site and thought “man, she looks like someone i’d like to hit with a brick.” For the whore she is, she’s a prime example of the elated type that like to tell you what a rough morning it looks like your having when they pop their lively little asses into the cubicle farm every god-forsaken morning. It never fails, one of these arrogantly oblivious whores/bastards/shitheads always pokes their head over/around/under the cubicle wall and chipperly states “HEY THERE!” followed by a Captain Fucking Obvious “Whoa, you look like you’re have a tough day.” Oh really you shit-eating rectal wart? I’m having a bad day!? What gave you that impression? Was it the “Don’t fucking talk to me” that I had tattooed across my face? Or maybe it was the look of utter contempt for your bubbly ass rising over my cube wall reminding me yet again how much I hate the fucking sun?

And as if morning people weren’t already the icing on your otherwise delicious cake, you’ve got to drag your ass out of bed to do what? Work. That’s right, you signed up to sell your soul off to the highest bidder one agonizing minute after the other. Some corporate lackey in a corner office somewhere is laughing at you, you stupid bastard, because he owns you. And unlike the slaves of centuries past, he doesn’t have to give you food or lodging, or make sure that you don’t die. That fat rich bastard knows that you’re his bitch, and the next time you make even the most minor fuck-up he’s on train with his command of management lackeys that are conditioned to drop by at specific intervals to, each one, call to your attention the UNIVERSE SHATTERING FUCK-UP YOU JUST MADE BECAUSE YOU ENTERED SOMETHING WRONG IN THE CALENDAR YOU STUPID GOOD-FOR-NOTHING RETARDED ASS PIECE OF SHIT EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING.

And all of this before lunch. Fuck my life.

Fuck yours too.

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5 Responses to “Morning can suck my ass.”

  1. Katie L. says:

    Well now dude, tell us how you really feel. ;)

    Loved the clip.

  2. -Management says:

    Dear serial_,

    We are sad to hear of your mental state regarding mornings and morning people; likewise, we are veritably sorrowful towards your disposition regarding work and working people.

    We hope in the future you will come to appreciate the time put forth from us into your livelihood and well being.

    -best regards.
    -The Management

  3. serial_ says:

    seriously, screw you guys– I’m going home.

  4. Serial~ says:

    I would also like to add: What kind of a name is “serial_”?

    First of all, it’s not even capitalized, so it can hardly be considered a name, even nicknames are capitalized.

    second, what is a serial underscore? Is it like a serial comma, wherein one could omit said underscore should they feel the want? Are we to assume that it is a mere misspelling? Was Cereal_ taken? I can see it now “_ Cereal, ambiguity in a box”.

    Perhaps the underscore is a place to fill in the blanks, however it is only 1 blank. Are we to only enter 1 character? Serial Q for instance? Serial~ is copywritten so I’d appreciate if you would refrain from using that.

    lastly I would like to point out that the underscore has nothing on “Tilde:Ruler of Worlds”

  5. serial_ says:

    se⋅ri⋅al

    –noun
    1. anything published, broadcast, etc., in short installments at regular intervals, as a novel appearing in successive issues of a magazine.
    2. Library Science. a publication in any medium issued in successive parts bearing numerical or chronological designation and intended to be continued indefinitely.
    –adjective
    3. published in installments or successive parts: a serial story.
    4. pertaining to such publication.
    5. of, pertaining to, consisting of, or occurring in a series rather than simultaneously.
    6. effecting or producing a series; sequential: The police think a serial killer is responsible for five homicides in this city last month.
    7. Computers.
    a. of or pertaining to the apparent or actual performance of data-processing operations one at a time (distinguished from parallel ).
    b. of or pertaining to the transmission or processing of each part of a whole in sequence, as each bit of a byte or each byte of a computer word (distinguished from parallel ).
    8. Music. of, pertaining to, or composed in serial technique.

    the moniker serial_ comes from the above, most notably “of, pertaining to, consisting of, or occurring in a series rather than simultaneously” & “published in installments or successive parts: a serial story.” I’ve long since been a feature writer for various websites, and have primarily written reviews and rants, and the occasional ranty review. the pseudonym was honestly the best word to describe my online persona.

    the underscore is a function of darknets where certain names may be reserved or filtered, and the underscore was a necessity to maintain the handle, after many years it was simply grandfathered into the name.

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